My pal Elizabeth Zeeuw from Montreal passed on this beauty from "The Onion." May 28, 2008Issue 44.22
NEW YORK—In response to flagging sales and plummeting prices, the American Chives Council launched a last-ditch advertising campaign Monday urging consumers to increase their daily chive intake by 12,000 percent. "There's nothing like a hearty, fragrant helping of chives to jump-start your day," celebrity spokeswoman Jessica Alba says in one of the new "Big Bowl o' Chives in the Mornin'" commercials, which feature the actress smiling broadly with chives stuck in her teeth. "But that doesn't mean eating a big bowl of chives is just for breakfast. The American Chives Council recommends three heaping servings a day. The bigger the better. Get some chives in ya!" Despite the push, analysts predict that the chive industry will continue to struggle, citing the ongoing repercussions of the ACC's ill-fated 2005 split with the American Sour Cream Association.
